The Fading Evening


My eyes pop open during the early hours of the morning, a certain strange feeling, indescribable in words looms over me and I feel it in my bones. A sadness which had been breeding itself in me for sometime has also been there. The morning has brought a strange atmosphere in the air and I am forced to think over it. I feel hatred for people around me, for the people I see everyday, for the people I used to love to be around. Their facades have been shattered and the real face is exposed, and, in the might of the sunlight it seems that they stand guilty in front of my eyes. There is a loneliness in the air but I'm used to it. There was a time when this loneliness brought terror to me, the fear of this same loneliness brought me to my knees, made me weak and old. But now it is just another feeling like hunger or sleep. It doesn't matter if I feel it or not, I'm sure it will remain there for eternity. I walk over to my window and look at the expanse of this city, where the fast and busy life prevails its importance, but it's very quiet here on the top floors. I light a cigarette and take long puffs from it, enjoying this isolation and the darkness suddenly I feel that I am not alone, my mind tries to grasp the thought to turn on the light as the small lamp was not doing its job in this fading evening light of the day. I thought to pray to God, but then realised it was a Sunday and I was not even able to find a Plummer, finding or requesting God would be an aweful difficult chore. I just brushed the thought aside, reluctantly I extinguished the cigarette that I had been enjoying and moved to turn on the lights in my house, I realised that someone is right outside my apartment. I look through the peep hole and saw someone struggling with baggage. I think to myself that I was not supposed to turn that cigarette off, it was overreacting on my part. I open the door and find this charming lady in front of, who only had two hands, but was trying to carry bags worth six hands, and at the same time looking to get her hands in her jeans pocket to find the keys. I must have only looked at her for a second, but in that second of eternity I **looked** her out completely. Her dark hair and dark eyes were so dark that my darkness felt pale. Her tanned complexion was nothing that I had seen, I could see that she did not have any make up on, but still she had kept herself well, in terms of her nails were files properly to perfection without any colour to them. Her eyebrows were plucked to suit her but no mascara. I noticed all this in a split of a second and decided to help her out. She was the new neighbour apparently. I offered to take the grocery bags from her. She seems reluctant to take help but then amazed at her helplessness at that moment she gave in. At times your heart feels heavy, like it is sinking in an ocean with a stone tied to it. There is no end to this sinking it keeps on sinking and sinking to the eternity. The hollowness and the quietness of the ocean is too loud, the creatures around you eye you. There are creatures of the deep ocean, both beautiful, ugly, dangerous, hungry and also illusionary. But you keep on sinking in the ocean, thinking what to make of the life and scenario. Moments of this agony turn into hours and these hours turn into days, and years and decade, but the agony remains, though one gets use to it and does not feel it again. The wounds remain fresh for a certain time but then time has also known to be the best healing agent. I snapped back to the reality and found myself helping the lady to settle the bags that she was carrying. On to probing it was found that she had moved here just a few days ago. She seemed to be at ease when she found that she I was equally confused and naturally high. Probably like minded people. I assumed that she assumed that I was a drug addict. But that was not he case, I looked around the house it was a neatly kept place which was not touched frequently. Most of the items and furniture were covered by large white curtains and clothes. Only a room which was used frequently looked as if it was under use. The whole scenario seemed a bit familiar to me, though it was apparent that she wanted me to leave. I could feel it as I had been through this, often when extreme introverts are in a gathering it becomes difficult to breathe and when a chance arrives to be alone that's when one may take a breath of sigh. The evening was peaceful. The birds were chirping away. The stillness in the atmosphere was undisturbed. Stillness like a dead body. Quietness like in a graveyard. Staring into the stillness and mind somewhere unknown to myself, though the heart could be felt beating somewhere in the eternity, and in the corner of my eye I saw a shadow dancing. A fear overcame me which also stopped me from turning my head towards the shadowy figure. Never in my life I had thought that ignorance was bliss, but that time this phrase ran across my mind like a prayer runs on Mullas mouth. A series of bell were ringing, apparently from temple. I could feel them piercing sound in my ears, there were drum beats played. I could not comprehend what was happening and I had to struggle myself to analyse the whole issue. It was raining heavily outside. The surrounding is in a whirlwind and spinning I close my eyes shut and open it again. I am in my house and I feel the door bell is ringing along with door knocks. My sanity and isolation had been disturbed. It was time to put a facade and mingle with friends - a deadly facade.......